Sit down, readers, for you are about to digest some Pulitzer-worthy journalism.
Look at the above image.
The picture was sent in by Metro.co.uk reader Terrence – so yes, this is ~exclusive~ aubergine content youre looking at – whose wife stumbled upon it while out shopping.
My wife sent this picture of an aubergine she bought today, says Terrence. It is either a liar with a long nose or a well-hung aubergine.
We have decided, Terrence, and we have come to the conclusion that this aubergine has Big Dick Energy.
To have Big Dick Energy is to have quiet confidence without cockiness. This aubergine exudes that.
It doesnt look like all the aubergines. It wouldnt be allowed in a bag of aubergines in a mainstream supermarket because theyre small-minded bigots who only want vegetables that look the same.
This aubergine carries itself in a way that makes other aubergines take a second look, that causes them to question why they all look identical and he looks so edgy and majestic.
Where does one find an aubergine with Big Dick Energy?
Your local market, thats where.
We live in Harlow, Essex and it was bought at Harlow town market, explains Terrence.
My wife could not reach it on the shelf and asked the vendor to pass one and thats the one he gave her.
So, what became of the likely nightshade?
It got eaten.
My wife cooked it, Terrence confirms. Made a sort of fried stew with it.
Big Dick Energy stew?