We knew this was coming, right? Following the news that the F.B.I. raided the hotel, home, and office of Donald Trumps personal attorney Michael Cohen, late-night hosts could barely mask their glee on Monday night. The most ecstatic? Unsurprisingly, it was Stephen Colbert, who did have one bit of reassurance for Cohen: “All hope isnt lost,” the comedian said. “Im sure the F.B.I. will keep this whole thing quiet—for $130,000.”
“Porn star Stormy Daniels says that right before the election, she was paid $130,000 by Trumps lawyer Michael Cohen to stay silent about her alleged doing it with the Donald,” Colbert joked as he began his Late Show monologue Monday night. “Future generations will learn all about it in the Trump presidential librarys adult section.”
Following a search warrant from special counsel Robert Mueller, the F.B.I. executed its raid Monday morning. As The New York Times reported, “business records, e-mails, and documents related to several topics, including a payment to a pornographic film actress.”
“They got everything,” Colbert quipped. “They got all of his information about porn in a folder marked finances, and all of his information about finances in a folder marked porn.”
The cherry on top of this legal sundae? As Colbert noted, an attorney making a deal on behalf of an unwitting client—which, so far, Trump appears to claim to have been—is grounds for disbarment in the state of New York. Should Cohen be disbarred, Colbert said, “Trumps legal team will be down to Ty Cobb, Jay Sekulow, and a DVD of Matlock.”
On ABC, Jimmy Kimmel got in on the fun as well, pointing out, “A dozen F.B.I. agents raided the office of his personal attorney Michael Cohen—and they didn't just raid his office. They also raided his house and his hotel room. He has a house and a hotel room? Why? The fact that the guy who pays off porn stars has a hotel room is, to me, a red flag.”
In addition to records related to Stormy Daniels, Kimmel said, the F.B.I. was also looking for records of any attempts on Cohens part to contact Vladimir Putins spokesman about building a Trump Tower in Moscow. “Is there ever gonna be a story about Donald Trump that doesnt involve Vladimir Putin?” the comedian wondered. “I wouldnt be surprised if at the end of all this Trump breaks down and starts speaking perfect Russian like Kevin Costner at the end of No Way Out.”
On The Daily Show,Trevor Noah was similarly amazed. “Donald Trumps lawyer now needs to get a lawyer,” he said in disbelief. And, like Colbert, he couldnt help but wonder how all of this is going to look as future generations read about it: “You know,” he said, “its just nice knowing that in 20 years teachers wont be able to give a history lesson without explaining what a pornographic actress is. You see, children, when a man pays a woman very much . . .”
Get Vanity Fairs HWD NewsletterSign up for essential industry and award news from Hollywood.Full ScreenPhotos:22 Movies and TV Shows That Will Save Us in 2018
Westworld (Season 2)
HBO is once again hoping youll ignore the big Game of Thrones-shaped hole in its schedule and turn your attention back to the sci-fi mind game that is Westworld. The Emmy-nominated series, starring Evan Rachel Wood and Thandie Newton, is ready to confound you once again in its second season. Until its spring 2018 premiere, take a trip back in time and revisit nine burning questions we still have about the finale.Photo: By John P. Johnson/HBO.
Yara Shahidi takes the lead in this youthful Black-ish spin-off set to air on Freeform starting Jan. 3, 2018. In this series, Zoey is finally off to college, stumbling through cringeworthy rites of passage like embarrassing herself at a frat party and hiding secrets from her parents.Photo: By Eric Liebowitz/Freeform.
Tis the season to watch a bunch of perfect human specimens fight for tiny gold medallions. This years Winter Olympics will kick off on Feb. 9, 2018 in Pyeongchang, South Korea.Photo: By Julian Finney/Getty Images.
After breaking out on Master of None and winning a historic Emmy for one of this years best TV episodes, Lena Waithe is ready to claim her spot in the prestige-TV realm. Enter The Chi, her Showtime series about young people coming of age in Chicago, set to premiere on Jan. 7.Photo: By Matt Dinerstein/SHOWTIME.
A Wrinkle in Time
The classic Madeleine LEngle tale is finally coming to the big screen on March 9, 2018, thanks to Disney and director Ava DuVernay. The sci-fi story about a girl tesseracting her way through time to find her missing father will star newcomer Storm Reid alongside stars like Oprah Winfrey,Mindy Kaling,Reese Witherspoon, and Chris Pine.Photo: By Atsushi Nishijima/Courtesy of Walt Disney Studios.
Solo: A Star Wars Story
After some catastrophic ups and downs, Han Solos origin story will finally be revealed to us on May 25, 2018. The Star Wars spin-off stars Alden Ehrenreich as the galactic smuggler and also features Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian and Emilia Clarke playing a mysterious character named Kira.Photo: From Lucasfilm Ltd./Everett Collection.PreviousNext
Laura BradleyLaura Bradley is a Hollywood writer for VanityFair.com. She was formerly an editorial assistant at Slate and lives in Brooklyn.