Bitter. Salty. Harsh.
No, I am not describing my last Bumble date, I am describing the vile taste of the worst flavour of crisps.
Salt and vinegar.
Whenever I buy a multi pack of glorious crisps, there is no worse feeling than opening up a nearly empty bag to see that there is only salt and vinegar ones left.
A YouGov 2014 survey found that cheese and onion is the most popular flavour in the UK, with 31% of people claiming it as their all time fave.
Ready salted sits in an unsurprisingly bland second at 28%.
The loathsome salt and vinegar sits in an unsavoury third at 23% and prawn cocktail comes last with just 11% preferring to pick up a pink packet.
And we have to admit, we are living in a world entirely different from 2014.
What are people’s preferred snack flavour in this post-Brexit world?
Has Trump changed the way we season our crunch?
Did the dreaded year of 2016 and the burning bin fire of a year that 2017 has been made us realise that we don’t have to be austere in our flavours and we can actually treat ourselves?
Rating the best British crisp flavours can be quite a controversial topic and my hatred of salt and vinegar has proved quite divisive.
I tweeted about my disdain for this green packeted abomination only to receive a barrage of abuse.
My nearest and dearest friends came in disowning me, hating me and threatening to block me.
Imagine falling in love with someone and finding out that they like salt and vinegar crisps
— Elle Rudd (@ElleRudd_) November 26, 2017
Woah woah woah, what’s wrong with salt and vinegar?? How dare you Elle.
— Mike (@Mike_Stavrou) November 26, 2017
But why can’t people accept the simple truth?
When it comes to giving in to the indulgence of this snack (no judgement, I eat crisps like I need them to live), why do we want this sharp, acidic mess?
Why do we not fall lovingly into the arms of the classic, if not a tad potent, cheese and onion?
Where is the fanfare for the 80s classic prawn cocktail? Will nobody think of the roast beef?!
In a world that offers hundreds, if not thousands, of flavours available for crisps, why do we settle for the flavour that can’t even stand alone as a meal or a snack (or a sandwich filling, if you’re going to get pedantic about cheese and onion)?
Salt and vinegar isn’t even a flavour in itself – it’s just something you put on fish and chips.
It’s the Steven Seagal of snacks – totally unnecessary yet somehow still everywhere.
It’s time we learned to love ourselves and put these awful crisps where they belong – in the bin.